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I was living at my fathers again- and it was moving day. In my mind I could hear my stepmother bitching, and in my mind she is always in her shower, not the one she died in but in that condo in Pomona; that's always how I picture it.

My dad is trying to roust me, he has a good spot outside the garage and it's way early in the morning and so I grudgingly get up to start loading the car. All of my things are scattered around the basement room and the garage- the cardboard boxes are all crushed and falling apart. My little sister is there and she and my dad are standing each on one side of me- not helping but watching. Jeanette shows up with a tour of my friends and I rationalize that she is one of those people who you just know will show up like that.

So I am loading his car from the front of the garage and also taking things to the trash out the back of the garage. There's a concrete step up and just as I am about to go back down it a lady comes thru the garage with a baby carriage that holds three children and appears to be made of shopping carts, the old metal kind. She's really haphazard with it, trying to get it up these concrete steps and keeps dropping one side of it and banging up her kids pretty fiercely. The contraption looks like animal cages and of course every time it bangs down all these kids with their pink mouths start crying and wailing.

I am not upset with her about the children, ( tho I am), I am upset about how she is blocking my path. I have limited time and she's in my way. I say this to her and of course she cops an attitude with me. I jump down into the garage around her but she comes after me and hits me across the face. Her hands are smooth and worn, and warm on my skin. I warn her not to hit me again, but she knows I won't hit her back. She keeps attacking me. I start yelling back at her and chase her down the back parking lot and into a bus. It's night now- and we continue fighting on the bus. The passengers side with her and she is crying now- so we both take our seats. We go into this tunnel where the bus is actually lifted from the front and pulled up a spiraling tube that is all this gothic brick work. When we reach the top- we are all at a museum, the bus is gone, the woman is gone. Jeanette is there with Eion and Barry and a tour. It's some kind of science museum and I wink at Eion and tell him that there are portals to Brian and Jeanette's house everywhere, behind every door if you just open it at the right moment and with solid belief that it's true. Jeanette hears me and like a Mary Poppins says that it's not true. But I go to the nearest door and open it and there is the hall between the kitchen and living room of the house on highview terrace. I walk through it and everyone is there, it's new years and real confetti is falling around us as Brian goes around telling us it isn't impressive.

I woke up thinking I was still at my dad's and in needing to move again. I was delighted when I realized it was all just a dream.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

blueimber: (Default)
i've adopted something.
a new motto

my new motto
"i've got one more silver dollar"

it is true.
that is how i remember my father...
he gave me a real silver dollar

you know
it was uncirculated
mint condition
and this is his life people
1878 liberty head, 100% proof 9.25 silver
minted in san francisco

and i said
"daddy, whats this worth?"
and he said
"well, in the condition it is now
it would be about 50 dollars"
and i looked at it sitting in the plastic protector
and i said
and he took it out
placed the thing in my hand
and told me to keep it on me.

"whatever for?"
"in case you're ever, you know, stranded on the road or
out of money...
you can tell someone what it is worth and barter for it to get home..."

my father
knows me
we are truly kindred
and at that

when i pocketed that dollar
it was as if i was just given my birth certificate
when i put my hand on it in my pocket
it says
"you're going to Oklahoma"
and when it is raining and i am stranded with no bus
it reminds me
"for love for love for love for love, for love was all her game"
it is like my soul
so old
and still in such perfect condition.

and i will always
no matter what
have one more silver dollar.


September 2017

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